Alright, I messed up. The other night, if you didn't already know, I took some "riskay" pictures with one of my friends. Now, in all honesty, they were NOT meant to be taken in a perverted way, but they didn't come off well. The entire idea was wrong, even as a joke. So I wanna start by saying I'M SORRY. Truly, God I'm sorry for not representing you well as an image of You. I'm sorry to my friends, who I know are always there for me and I'm sorry that I let all of you down. I'm sorry to those who look up to me, sorry to those who see me as a light, I am just really sorry.
Now, as much as I want to just say "look, I messed up, everyone does it" and move on, I know I can't. As sucky as this situation is, I have learned a very good thing from it. It has taken this for God to get me to realize, I'm living for me.
He showed me that in this, I have such opportunity to impact others. Now, what have I been doing? Living for myself. Doing everything on my own (with HIm in mind of course.) But that is NOT where He wants me. I know now, that I have a calling to live for Him, and that people are watching and learning. So, I can only pray that you all will give me a second chance, and hopefully see that I am flesh too. I'm not always perfect, but I will try my hardest to show God in my life still. Please, forgive me.
Also, living for me has not been good. I haven't been there for others, I can't ever seem to have real joy, and it just doesn't work. SOOO, That has to end now. This song, could not describe how I feel right now any better. HE makes me the best man, not me. So I'm going to start giving it to Him.
The Best Man
I have always dreamed
To be that superhero
To fly right in and somehow save the day
And I have always wanted
To be more than I could be
But see the fall and somehow lose my way
But the day your love stepped in
Was the day my life began
Cause you make me shine
You make me soar
You make me everything I never was
But so much more
You give me strength
You let me stand
And I don?t have to move a mountain but I know I can
Cause you make me the best man
Even through my weakness
You know who I am
And you give me amazing grace
That I don?t understand
And there are no words that could ever describe
The glory of, the beauty of you in my life
Because you gave your love to me
I?m the best that I can be
I will never be the same
Cause you have changed everything
From the man I was
To the man that's standing by your side
again, I'm sorry. I pray you forgive me, and see that although I'm not perfect, I will continue to try and show GOd in my life. It was a fail, but I'm getting back up. This time however, I am putting my practice, into God. A source that will not fail.
I love you all, please be praying for me!
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...you know, I still remember when you first told me about this song. July 31st I had a really rough day and you helped me through it and the things you said to me still help me through everyday then that night I was with Lesley and Brittany and I couldn't get to sleep so I went out in the living room and I got scared cus it was dark and creepy, haha. I decicded to have a late night to make me feel not so alone and by then it was already August 1st, but we still talked and somehow you told me that you wanted to be the best man in this song. I remember thinking that you already were. You already shined and soared and you had everything because you had God, but not only that you were so much more too.. As I'm remembering this I have to wonder, where did you go? That song doesn't remind me of you anymore. And I don't go to you when I'm scared anymore. And now.. I don't know what to think. Last night when I told you what I did, I meant that and I also meant what I didn't say. But I'm glad I didn't say it. And that kinda scares me that I'm glad that I wasn't completely honest with you. I know you plan to be different. I know you're sorry. I can only believe that so many times. So, I forgive you and I'll look past all this. But the millionth chance is something I'd like for you to prove that you really want it and you won't take advantage of me or my friendship. I'm praying for you..
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