Okay, so moving on with our Camp Wow experience here, I'm going to take you to the 3rd night of camp. See, this night was a huge night for me randomly, because in worship I realized a HUGE thing. That was, that in my life I ignore the pain around me and use God as an excuse by saying "Well I'm looking to God instead of the pain" but the truth was, I was just ignoring the pain altogether. So once I realized this, in worship I prayed that God would put all that pain on me but in a good way, so that I could remember the pain of my parents splitting, dad drinking, etc. And that I wouldn't ever end up that way.
So in worship, all this pain just completely comes over me. It hits me like a ton of bricks, and I just started BAWLING. I haven't cried that hard in a REALLY long time. But see, I loved the pain because I was taking it on and fighting through it. Finding the beauty of it through Him. As I was crying and worshiping, I got all these words in my head so I decided to write them down. These are them, word for word, nothing changed. Authentic from when it happened:
It's time to take on the pain, and conquer it. I can't just go through acting like life's good. I've been ripped so many things for a reason, and that is to find Him. NO MORE IGNORING. He does help me through hard times, but I've made myself numb to pain, which could let me fall into the same traps as those that have hurt me. If you're numb, you can't feel what He needs you to experience. My alternative to pain has not been God, it's been ignoring it. I try to fix it from the OUTSIDE IN by being numb and acting for Him. I seem to think I need to be strong for everyone else. You (as in God) have given me all these things, and I want to use them so bring on the pain.
You see, these words were given to me, and I can only hope they help you like they helped me. It was a very amazing experience, and I'll always remember it. Just remember, He must fix you from the INSIDE OUT.
Oh, and the dog joined us that night in our small group ;] imagine that.
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4 comments:
I remember a while back when you told me you were calloused to pain and that you just didn't feel it like others. I'm so glad to hear that God brought that to you. What an experience you had.
that is awesome! im sooo happy for your realization, even if we sometimes don't want to feel the pain. good post! just an example of what happens at camp....
and i really think that dog's name is Jesus and not rover. :)
That's so cool man!
I'm really glad that your figuring all these things out and then the cool thing is is that your writing about it!
Way to go on spreading some wisdom man! keep it up!
Yes! Your blog is great, and I know something about the night elves, they are the race I WOW power leveling when I get my first account:The reclusive Night Elves power leveling[ were the first race to awaken in the World of Warcraft Power Leveling. These shadowy, immortal beings were the first to study magic and let it loose throughout the world nearly ten thousand years before Warcraft I. The Night Elves' reckless use of magic drew the Burning Legion into the world and led to a catastrophic war between the two titanic races. The Night Elves barely managed to banish the Legion from the world, but their wondrous homeland was shattered and drowned by the sea. I love this race and suggested everyone that start their WOW power leveling a rogue or druidof night elf
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